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Stimulating Stories About Threesomes
(ménage à trois)
A Compilation of Literate Erotica
She's Ready for You
by Harry Merkin
This
short story is a work of
fiction. Names, characters,
places and incidents
either are the product of
the author’s vivid
imagination or are used
fictitiously. Any
resemblance to actual human
beings, living or dead,
business enterprises,
events or locales is
entirely coincidental.
(a universal fantasy of dick-brained guys)
A guy at work told me about a party at his house the following Saturday
night. Knowing how he dressed and the music he liked, I expected a hard core death
metal crowd and I wasn’t wrong. The music was ear splitting and the
cannabinoid fog was super potent. I got a drink and went out to the
backyard. There was a group on the back patio and a girl sitting on a
picnic table about 20 feet away. I went toward her and asked, “Could I
bring you something to drink.”
”It’s awful in there. Please stay. I can share your drink.”
We were still talking at 1:00 AM when the friend she had come with
appeared and said she was leaving. Julie told her she was staying.
Soon after, someone popped the top of a shaken beer can under the single
porch light and the bulb exploded. Now that we were sitting in the
dark, we began to make out in earnest on the table. Sometime after 3:00
AM she announced, “You’ll need to take me home,” as she put her bra and
blouse back on.
We undressed and fell asleep on her bed. We woke up near noon and again
locked lips. In less than an hour, we went from bed to bedlam and were
having sex along with breakfast in bed. She had yogurt with honey,
blueberries and granola. I found two deviled eggs, smoked salmon and
jalapeño cream cheese along with a jar of capers and a couple boxes of
crackers in her kitchen. The best flavor combination was licking her
clit after a bite of salmon. Her pussy was repulsive after a deviled egg
and it took several capers to cleanse my palate. Julie liked my dick
with yogurt and honey. I had to restart intercourse a few times to get
all the granola crumbs out of the condom. After our orgasms, it looked
like we had been in a food fight. She insisted we thoroughly clean our
feet to get to the shower without leaving food-prints.
After more naked fooling around on her sofa, Julie made me help her wash
the king size sheets and mattress protector. She had to wash everything
three times to get most of our sex stains out.
Just so you know. An early supper of Chinese take-out consumed at a
lovely, mid-century-modern laundromat should never be called “a date”.
If you repeat my mistake, you’ll get a vivid facial demonstration of,
“to glower”.
Julie’s libido was almost as high as mine. She was delightfully kinky in
ways I dare not describe in too much detail. After about a month
together, I lost track of her at another party. I eventually found her
in one of the bedrooms kissing a girl exactly how she would kiss me. I
approached them so Julie could see me, but she shooed me away. They
emerged from that bedroom much later and both were disheveled.
On our way home, “Did you know that girl well?
“I just met her.”
“What were you doing?
“First we kissed. After you left, I locked the door and we pulled down
our panties and tongued each other. She didn’t come, but I sure did.”
I didn’t know what to say.
She saw a church parking lot in the next block, “Pull in there and park at the back.”
When I turned off the ignition, Julie said, “Let’s screw in the back seat.”
Once my dick was in, I stopped.
“Why did you stop?”
“I’m doing exactly what you asked. “Pull in there and park at the back.”
“You’re so wicked; so very, very wicked.”
“Julie, how can you say that? We are at a holy place. I thought we were going to have a religious experience.”
Once she stopped laughing, “Let’s switch. I wanna be on top for the rest of this ride. And, you know, my brakes don’t work.”
Afterwards, she explained, how can I say this discretely, that she is
totally ambidextrous (is that the word?). She is equally attracted to
boys and girls.
----------
Julie showed me a picture on her phone of a redhead a few weeks later.
“Abby has never slept with a guy. She wants to know what it’s like. I
volunteered you.”
“Is she a virgin or a Lesbian? “
“Which would you rather fuck?
“I’ve had several virgins. A Lesbian would be interesting.”
“She’s into girls and also into Shakespeare.”
"That's an interesting combination. Is she dramatic?"
"Yes, but in a weird way. Abby might ask you to prick her with your
hallow harpoon of a stinger and then jump up and down and squeal like an
excited little girl when you say yes."
“Is that hallow as in Halloween?"
"I think so. She often uses, hallow, as part of an oath. Her swearing is medieval and creative."
"So, am I supposed to go to her place or will she come to mine?”
“You wouldn’t like her bedroom. Everything is pink and frilly. When I’m
in there I concentrate on her volcanic vulva. I would puke if I looked
at anything else.”
“Volcanic vulva?”
“That’s what she calls it. She’s awesome. She masturbates almost as much as a guy and her orgasms are huge.”
“Does she have many freckles?"
Julie looked at me, somewhat annoyed, “Of course she does. They’re everywhere, but just look at her big tits and pussy.”
“I’d be happy to do this for you. Should I take her out to a restaurant and act like it’s a date?"
“Don’t bother, we’ll eat here and have a threesome. Oh, she’s allergic
to latex, so she wants to do it during a time in her cycle when she
can’t get pregnant.”
“Should I bring anything special?”
“Bring really full balls so you can fill her up. Let’s not fuck that week so you have a full load.”
"I really look forward to pricking her with my hallow harpoon of a stinger. You won't get jealous, would you?"
"Nope."
----------
Talk about awkward. When the redhead arrived, Julie and I must have
seemed like starving hyenas. She said, “Guys, don’t look at me like
that. Let’s just have fun.”
Julie asked, “Would you like to eat something?”
“Your pussy, but we can have supper first.”
We had a good laugh and that broke the ice.
After a while, Julie left us alone to continue getting acquainted. We
talked and I got the ice cream out of the freezer. Abby suggested we
could share a bowl and a spoon. We started to feed each other and I was
close enough to look down her blouse. Her tits were as big as the
spoiled grapefruit I used as targets when shooting the .50 caliber rifle
at the 800 yard range I had set up at my folk’s back 40. I really liked
shooting it. At the even longer commercial range, it’s one of the few
times when I have to “do the math” and don’t mind.
I had already taken Julie to the back 40. At first she wasn’t interested
in guns. I had my cousin drive her out along the fence line so she
would be in a better position to watch through the spotting scope. After
seeing about 5 or 6 grapefruit go to heaven, she called me on the
walkie talkie. She wanted to shoot. I told her I’d stop shooting until
they got back.
It took the two of us more than 20 minutes to convince her she did not
want to shoot the Barrett M99. I had seen a couple of crop dusters on
our way out and her beginner’s luck would be a pilot’s bad luck. I had
let all of the deputies shoot it and they would come here first if
anything happened in that direction. I didn’t tell her that she had one
important qualification for shooting it – her mouth was always open.
A sentence of 20 years to life in the Women’s Penitentiary would
probably not have been too terrible for Julie. But, I would have had to
find another wild girlfriend. And, let’s not forget that her cellmates
would have been in deep trouble. Most women wouldn’t want to be locked
up with a cunning linguist. I bet you’re surprised I knew that term. I
learned it in the 7th grade. That’s what the new boy with glasses used
to call Sally Jo to make her cry.
I was really nice and let her use an AR 15 with a suppressor. But even
at 25 yards, Julie wasn’t hitting the targets. She was getting
frustrated and saw the AR 15 I had spray painted blue and orange to
match the toys my sister had given her boys for Christmas. My nephews, 5
and 7, really like to shoot my version, but I’ve asked them not to tell
their mom. Julie finally was successful (at 10 yards) with my “big
boy’s toy”.
Once, at my place, she decided to bring a .357 Magnum to bed. (Don’t
crap your pants. It wasn’t loaded.) She did the most interesting things
with it. When she fell asleep after we had sex, I took it into the
kitchen for a thorough cleaning. I was worried her pussy juices might
tarnish it. That would have been a damn shame. It is a very pretty
revolver.
“Abby, this is turning me on.”
She looked at me quizzically and I placed her hand over my zipper.
“Let me see! Let me see!”
I unzipped and pulled it out. She exclaimed, “It’s just like Dilbert!”
Julie, now undressed, stood at the doorway and asked, “Who’s Dilbert?”
“My favorite dildo. I decided to give him a name since we have become so close.” She turned to me, “Why are you doing that?”
“To keep my Dilbert big.”
“Can I try?”
“Yes.” And, after a bit, “What do you think?
“It’s hot, really hot.”
“The temperature hot or the cool kind of hot?
“The temperature. I’m used to Dilbert being kinda cold.”
“Abby, you have scarred me for life.”
“Why?” (as she wrapped her fingers a little more tightly around my dick)
“I was hoping you would say my dick is amazing or awesome. Some superlatives would have been nice.”
“I might say that after you fuck me.”
“Well, okay. Do you like to kiss?”
“Yeah.”
“Let’s use our tongues.”
“Oh brave new world! What a sea change! It’s grown huge! Wow! That’s amazing.”
“I love you, Abby.”
“Not so fast, Dilbert.”
----------
We decided it was time to go into Julie’s bedroom. I asked Abby if she and I could undress each other. She nodded.
One by one, our clothes landed on the nearest corner of the king size
bed. Her red satin panty ended up on top, just like a cherry.
We smiled at each other and resumed kissing. She adjusted my tent pole
between her legs and said when she came up for air, “I'm already
frothing at the gash. Can we do it standing?”
“Not so fast, I get her first!”
We turned toward the bed and Julie was spread eagle with a long sex toy on the bed between her legs.
I went, “Ribbet, Ribbet.”
“What?”
“You look like the frogs we got in Biology lab.”
“I’m not green.”
“It’s how you have your arms and legs.”
I asked Abby, "Can I use my finger like a dip stick?"
"Show me what you mean."
I ran a finger down her "gash" and circled around and then stuck it in. "You are dripping wet."
Abby jumped on the bed and landed by Julie. They came together like
magnets with a loud lip-smack. They put the long toy in their vaginas to
connect themselves and sucked face for a while. Then they took turns
eating their pussies and writhing like boas in heat. They assumed
various positions and stayed entwined for a long time. Watching them was
a huge turn-on. My dick was enormous all the time they were at it. It
was so hard for so long it ached. Was this a priapism?
----------
Once the redhead’s orgasmic waves had settled down, Julie looked up with
a huge grin, reached over to pick up the redhead’s panty, wiped her
mouth with it, and said, “She’s ready for you!”
We switched position. I knelt between the redhead’s legs. Julie kissed my dick. “This is for good luck.”
Abby laughed and I asked, “Are you ready?”
She shouted, “Do it!”
I went in slowly, all the way in, and kept still. Her eyes opened wide
and she opened her mouth but made no sound. I stayed still a little
longer for her to savor this new sensation, and then sucked and kissed
her luscious breasts. I could almost taste the flavor of ruby
grapefruit. I started thrusting after about a minute, going very slow. I
went in as far as possible, paused for a slow count of five, and then
out. Then again, in as far as possible, paused for a slow count of five,
and then out. I did this until she was shaking from head to toe and I
could feel her vagina pulsating around my dick. I again stayed still.
She begged for more. I sped up and finished.
Abby was shaking and laughing as Julie motioned for me to move. She got
down to lick around the redhead’s vagina then moved up to French kiss
her.
Abby then came over to lick and suck my limp Dilbert. Her gigantic smile said it all.
----------
The End
Harry Merkin (a nom de guerre)
is a dick-brain who is more
articulate than an arthropod
and has many ways with words.
He tries desperately not to
write like Edward
Bulwer-Lytton, but often
fails.
P.
S. I would like to imagine that if “Dilbert” and Julie stayed together,
they would have the neatest daredevil kids in the whole state. Maybe
Abby could have a long-term role as a member of a polygamous
arrangement. Who knows?
NOTES
A. Don’t get your panties in a wad. This is part satire, part lampoon,
and a fabrication. It was written to expose the true mental state of a
dick-brained guy (a.k.a. 'a lusty fellow') by highlighting some of his
most common fantasies. It ain’t pretty, but this is what goes through
his below-the-belt mind, repeating endlessly like a broken record, from
puberty until a surgeon botches the prostate operation. Dick-brain
(lusty fellow) doesn’t want you to change him. He is quite happy living
with testosterone poisoning. He is chivalrous, yet manly, and can
confidently turn into Testosterone rex when he needs to or wants to.
B. Breakfast in bed (as mentioned above) is such a fun mess. Every
couple should do this at least once. Don’t use blueberries if your
sheets are white.
C. Doing the Math – For long range shooting, especially at
distances usually associated with skilled snipers, accuracy depends on
precise calculations involving: barometric pressure, wind speed and
direction, air and ammo temperature, relative humidity, distance
(measured with an expensive range finder), gravity (slant range), spin
drift, and the type of cartridge being shot. Fanatically extreme care
and accuracy in re-loading (hand loading) are also crucial. The “open
mouth” reference is not a sexist comment. Look closely at someone
shooting a .50 BMG. His mouth is always open when his finger is on the
trigger.
D. Of course Harry did not spray garish Krylon colors on an AR 15. He
does, however, know that others have done it. He does use Krylon in this manner and is a fan of Cerakote in earth tones and sand tones.
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